I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
