I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
