Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Green mimosas i think yes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
