i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
