i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
