This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish you could order shots online.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Panties = found
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
