I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
