sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
