did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
