True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
