Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
