how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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