Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
