Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
