This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
