I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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