He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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