I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
