I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
