It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
