would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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