Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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