Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
