Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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