This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
