I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
