Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
