You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
