He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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