I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
