We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize