distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
