are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
