so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
