That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
