I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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