wrigley field is MILF paradise
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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