I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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