Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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