Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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