It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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