hotel room ftw
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
