I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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