i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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