we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
