this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
