the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
