My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
