i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
