I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
