i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
