I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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