rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
