You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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