I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
