Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
