she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize