The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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