anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
