So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
