Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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