he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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