If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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