She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dicks are not precious.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize