get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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