bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize