I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
