I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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