half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize