Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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