Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize