so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
