I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want nice things and good sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
