I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
