Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
