the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize