I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
smell my finger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
