i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
false alarm, still single
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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