I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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