worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
