My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
