i was born a porn star she said
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
