I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
