Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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