I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
