what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
