Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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