i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
